The Confidence Steam Engine
“Those who do not know the difference between
confidence and arrogance are always intimidated by confident people.” Author
Unknown.
Confidence
is an indispensable ingredient in the equation or the formula of success. I
really mean self confidence here. Confidence is very important because the lack
of it is going to make you susceptible
to the influence of negative outside forces.
Fear is a myth, to
conquer it, is to demystify fear. Zig Ziglar says FEAR stand for: False Evidence Appearing Real. It is that devilish force that holds
back every living being from living to their full potential.
Lack of self confidence and the fear of risk
taking are the reason why the cemetery is the richest place wherever you go in
the world irrespective of culture, race or color: the dead went into their
graves with their music still in them. They parted with their potential
untapped and it will never be tapped ever. Now that you choose to read this work
and now know about this semblance of a revelation, would you choose to go to
your grave with your music still in you?
Well, it is
your choice; but you will not venture to lie to your creator, or your super
being that you were not aware of your potential and the steps you could take to
explore and exploit your potential. You will not lie that you did not have the
means because by the end of this work, you will have known exactly what you need
to do to live to your full potential. The writer pledges to be available to
help you all the way. I am just a phone call, an email, a website or a workshop
away.
Albert
Einstein said that no matter how smart you are or how long you ponder, you can never
be sure how a watch works unless you look inside. He spots it right on. How would
you know your potential without venturing into the realm of your abilities and
capabilities? More so, how would you
venture into the fabric of your being and possibilities without vesting,
harnessing and instilling self confidence?
Self confidence is the mantle of imagination and
the cradle of hope; without the former, we cannot dream and without the latter,
we are dead-living. Think of a steam
engine for second: that was the dream of Thomas Savery.
Thomas Savery was an English military engineer and inventor who in 1698
patented the first crude steam engine, based on Denis Papin's Digester or pressure cooker of 1679.
Thomas Savery had been
working on solving the problem of pumping water out of coal mines, his machine
consisted of a closed vessel filled with water into which steam under pressure
was introduced. This forced the water upwards and out of the mine shaft. Then a
cold water sprinkler was used to condense the steam. This created a vacuum
which sucked more water out of the mine shaft through a bottom valve.
Self confidence is like
the steam engine. You are the closed vessel, your will to pilot the vessel is
the pressure, your energy is the water, your nutrition and exercise is the
sprinkler, and outside forces is the vacuum.
Once you have vested and
harnessed the vessel, the will, water and nutrition and exercise, which are the
constituent elements of self confidence, the last part which is the vacuum or the
outside forces are more likely to be favorable to you. Even some of the outside
forces that might be adverse will not kill you; rather, they will make you stronger.
Outside forces (vacuum) can never be dominant once all other parts of the confidence
puzzle or the team engine are in place.
Once the steam engine is
in place, the next step is to improve on it through consistency and persistency.
Let’s take a look at Thomas Newcomen’s atmospheric steam engine.
The Newcomen steam
engine used the force of atmospheric pressure to do the work. Thomas Newcomen's
engine pumped steam into a cylinder. The steam was then condensed by cold
water which created a vacuum on the inside of the cylinder. The resulting
atmospheric pressure operated a piston, creating downward strokes. In
Newcomen's engine the intensity of pressure was not limited by the pressure of
the steam, unlike Thomas Savery’s earlier invention.
An impeccant measure of self confidence will
inadvertently and invariably lead to trust, help and care from outside forces. Your
possibilities become limitless: that is analogical to Newcomen’s improvement on
Savery’s steam engine in that, the Newcomen engine was not limited by the
pressure of the steam since it gathered more energy from the atmosphere.
Self confidence
is the mantle of imagination and the cradle of hope; without the former, we cannot
dream and without the latter, we are dead-living. Self confidence is not a one short exercise.
It is a short gun house. If you fail to feed it, it will starve to death. It
has to be active, it is a verb: you must continue building on it through
personal development. It is more or less like motivation that easily fades away
when you stop fueling it with fresh energy.
A study has
suggested that 95% of our all behavior is done without conscious thought. Are we
sleep-walking 95% of our life? It is the programming of our subconscious mind. Our
subconscious mind tele-guides our behavior which reflects in our actions and
omissions. That is why it is crucial to reprogram our subconscious mind and
turn around disempowering programs into empowering ones and treat or cure
ourselves of inadvertent waste of our energy and abilities. Reprogramming the
subconscious mind gives us the chance to bring ourselves to the level conscious
consciousness in our daily events. Read more on the subconscious reprogramming chapter.
Outside
forces will make you go astray in your journey to success since most people are
out there for themselves and reserve little or nothing for you and your
responsibilities. It is human nature to seek and strive for self interest. That
is the DNA of all living beings.
Most people
are yet to understand and tap into the 4th habit well outlined in
Stephen R. Covey’s book: The Seven Habits
of Highly Effective People. The fourth habit states: Think Win-Win. The
win-win philosophy is not just some little technique or some nice little
phrase. A win-win person has an abundance mentality: his or her paradigm of
life is that there is plenty out there for everybody.
It simply means that you don’t have to be cutthroat to
succeed in your mission; just live and let live! You do not have to put someone
down in order to go up. Conversely, when you lift others up, you go up and when
you push others down, you go down with them. For example, there is no way you
can push someone down on the floor and keep him down without staying down with
him.
Once it borders on self confidence, never let yourself
become prone to the will of others against your own will. To ensure this you
must plan your work and work your plan! If you don’t have plans for yourself,
you will fall into other people’s plans! That is the real meaning of the adage
that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
In response
to Matt Morris’ question, Wayne Nugent stated as follows:
“Matt, do you want to know the reason
why people follow me? There is only one reason and one reason only. The reason
why I’m a great sales person, the reason why I’m a great speaker , and the
reason why I can recruit the best sales people to work for me all boils down to
one thing that I have more than anyone I know
- confidence” the emphasis is mine.
Nevertheless,
do not confuse your will power in your own project with general interest or
group endeavors. With the latter, general interest decisions prevail in
communion with what ever are the parameters that are generally accepted as the
modus operandi.
The question
to start with is: who is the most important person in your life on this planet
earth? The automatic (thoughtless) answer is you. If the most important person
is you, then you have the full power and ability to be your best friend or your
worst enemy. You are the master pilot. Whichever of the two ways you choose;
others will take the hue and cue from you. Norman Vincent Pearle put it
succinctly: “others will unconsciously
take you at your own self-appraisal.”
If the image
or picture you have of yourself is healthy and positive, you are your best
friend and you can be whatever you desire to be. It must be a burning desire. Not
just what you want to be. Just wanting something is not enough; remember in
economics, wants are just incidentals that you can live your life successfully
whether you have them or not. On the other hand, needs are those commodities
that you cannot do without them; you need them for your daily survival.
Conversely,
if the image you have of yourself is unhealthy or negative, you are your own
worst enemy. Teddy Roosevelt said it best: “no
one can make you feel inferior without your permission”. If you think less
of yourself, others will copy from you and take you to be inferior. You
wouldn’t make yourself bananas, would you? If you did, monkeys would eat you.
You have to
be at piece with yourself in order to be at piece with other people. You have
to be your best friend and then treat others as your best friends.
Psychologist, Dr. Han Solo says: “If in dealing with people and we treat them
as if they were our best friends, we shall get along with a lot more people, be
accepted by a lot more people and as a result our self-image will remarkably
improve.”
In order to be trusted, you must trust others first. Remember
the question everyone is asking is: what
is it for me? That is at the center of salesmanship and we are all in sales
directly or indirectly. Why would anyone ask that question? It is because we
are naturally selfish. That is a fact and a universal principle. We always first
take care of self before taking care of the other.
There is an
Nweh proverb that says: if you are carrying your baby and sitting by the fireside
and suddenly there a burst in the heath and two pieces of hot burning wood jump
and one drops on your lap and the other drops on your baby’s lap, you will
remove yours first and the baby’s second.
That is
instinct and genetic code. Any other consideration comes as an afterthought. That
is exactly how the human being and every other life form respond to stimuli. That
is why in helping any other person apart from you, it has to be intentional. Consequently,
the logic behind the concept that intention precedes attention is profound. Understanding
and applying that concept plays a huge role in setting priorities and ensuring
impeccable accomplishments.
A negative
image will stifle your efforts from fructifying. A negative image robs the beholder of energy
and it is counter –productive. Never see yourself in the light or in the
picture of other people. No two people are the same; not even the so-called
identical twins. Everyone person is unique – that is your DNA.
Your
uniqueness therefore makes you stand apart from the rest of the crowd. Discerning
this reality and refraining from peer and other outside negative influence is primordial
in building self confidence. You have to count first on your own efforts in
order to expect a true ram of accomplishments. How would you expect a true ram of accomplishments
counting principally on others?
Remember the
story of the Siamese or conjoined twins. As adults, they were tired of living
together and opted to separate from each other at the risk of their lives. The
surgery to separate them was unsuccessful and they passed away; at least, they
were at peace with themselves when they passed on.
They were
supposed to be identical twins generated and conceived from the same ovary; yet
they had different personalities and wanted their freedom so bad even at the
point of death. The point is; no one can love you more than you love yourself.
Therefore, you have your best interest at heart than any one may claim to be.
Charles B.
Rouss says: “Not in time, place, or circumstances,
but in the person lies success.”
Generally,
people are a trip and they will trip on you. Treasure yourself and people will
treasure you. The way you carry yourself, respect yourself; I really mean self
confidence will determine your output. Do not mistake this for a super
inflected self ego that can lead to vaulting ambition that may over leap itself
and fall on the side.
“Our ego
is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest,” Cullen
Hightower. So we need to watch out for a selfish controlling ego that may
impede our ability to integrate the general good – the service we set out to do
for others.
“It is not the things we get, but the hearts
we touch that will measure our success in life”, Anonymous.
How do you
build self confidence? It lies in personal development.
Psychologist,
Terry Bradshaw says it as follows: “The
life of a winner is the result of an unswerving commitment to a never ending
process of self completion”. I will go further to define commitment; it is doing what you said you would do long
after the feeling with which you made that declaration has left you. It is
commitment that transforms a promise into a reality.
I believe
attitude is what sets us apart from animals. Animals are beings that change
their minds quiet abruptly and frequently. They are often more erratic than
pragmatic. Even then, a starving lion would not give up on its prey once it
sets out to hunt. To the lion, it is a necessity rather than rationality; it is
a choice between life and death; it either preys on its victim or it dies of
starvation. The latter is not an option.
Remember
that carnivores unlike herbivores, generally only prey on fresh flesh. There is
no carnivorous hay! Consequently, they set out hunting only when they are
already hungry. This means that they have to have a high degree of commitment
in consonance with acute tenacity and perseverance. With commitment, they go
over all the huddles that they encounter and overcome all pitfalls that may
belie their way.
The length
of time here is irrelevant. What matters is the outcome of the venture. For the
lion, the result would be catching the prey. For the human race, the result is
achieving whatever it is that we set out to accomplish as our objective.
My
illiterate father, Asaah A Mbuh Fominka (aka Nkemamin), says that “God creates man and after birth, man
completes the process of his creation.” I find this enormously exciting for
my father who never saw the four walls of a classroom. Nevertheless, he is a
talented philosopher/ psychologist. I came to understand that he was talking of
personal development in every meaning of the word; character building, and
every facet of knowledge and tangent information that uplifts the gods and guts
of fulfilling a purposeful life.
By the same token,
my illiterate father goes further to say in advising his children and kindred
as follows: “your attitude or character
will give you a father and a mother wherever you go.” I have seen this proofed to be true over and
over wherever I have gone and lived. I believe this philosophy holds true
anywhere and everywhere in the world irrespective of the race and culture.
People are
prone to accept and appreciate good and positive behavior and character. The
attitude you portray gives signals to the people around you and that invariably
influences the way they interact with
you and this goes back to the way you carry yourself-image.
Abraham
Lincoln was such a humble yet very confident person. His humidity, personality
and confidence gave him the aptitude and impetus to rise to an altitude that
helped reshaped the mindset of slave masters, their proponents and
beneficiaries and paved the way to the banishment of slavery and slave trade.
That would
have been impossible without the impeccable and unshakable self confidence that
he willed even in the face of adversity. In his own words he said as follows: “I desire to conduct the affairs of this
administration that if at the end, I come to lay down the reins of power, I
have lost every other friend on Earth, I shall at least have one friend left
and that friend shall be down inside me.” This is clear exhibit of a man of character,
resolute, steadfast and discipline. It is evidence of self confidence at its
best.
Let me tell
you a very personal story. Several years ago, I went with a friend to an
embassy for a visa. Aware of the long
lines of visa seekers in that particular embassy, we left for the capital city,
host of that embassy, one day in advance. We checked into a hotel where we
spent the night.
By 4 am the
following day, we were up, took our shower and got to the embassy by 5 am. We
thought we would be the only early birds but to our greatest amazement we still
found a long line of people. After spending about an hour in the long line, we
finally got through the security screening process. We gained access into the waiting area and
occupied the two free seats. As we sat
waiting, I realized that there were two female interviewers.
I had a gut
feeling that I could easily resonate with one of the ladies so I said to my
friend that I would love to be interviewed by that lady. My friend said, “me
too”. I sat next to my friend in the line where there were two other
interviewees sitting before him; I was number four in the line.
When you check in through the security
officers, your passport is collected and later handed out to the interviewers. Consequently, we did not know who of the two interviewers
had whose passport.
Before long, the two others completed their
interviews and the lady I had wished and conjectured called my name. My friend
concluded that he would surely be interviewed by the other lady. I could see my
friend’s countenance sing with hopelessness and discourage as if to say;”he is
the lucky one”.
I was well
dressed in suit and tie, well shaved and pretty much predisposed with the right
measure or dose of self confidence. My self image was apart or in consonance
with my appearance and my speech was pregnant with eloquence, goaded with
creativity and imbued with pragmatism.
The set up
of the interview area comprises of a waiting area, a cashier’s booth and the
interview space. During the interview process, the interviewer seats in the innermost
part adjoining the rest of the office space; a glass shield separates the
innermost station from where the interviewee stands ready to go through what to
some is an ordeal, to others a formality.
Talking of first impression, I got it right.
It was after noon already. The poor lady had not yet had the chance to eat. In
a split second, I felt she was a little stressed up struggling to eat some
polished Irish potatoes. I greeted her and immediately proceeded to say: “enjoy
your meal madam”. She responded rather disappointingly: “I am not enjoying the
meal”. I dared to ask: “why not?” She
said it was because she did not have the chance to eat since morning.
“You see madam;
you are very blessed and lucky. There are so many people out there who do not
have anything to do; yet you have more than enough to do so much so that you
don’t even have the time to really sit down and eat”, I remarked. “That’s so true”, she
responded smiling broadly.
Remember
that “those who do not understand the difference between arrogance and
confidence will always be intimidated by confident people”.
The stage
was set with a positive mindset and likeability. Among others things, she
interviewed me on law and customs asking me rather trick questions on my
training, experience and education. I had a short presentation on the devastating
effects of HIV/AIDS on the county and especially the proliferation of orphans
who have lost their parents to HIV/AIDS. In the paper, I was making a request
for the county organization in the Diaspora to study the possibility of opening
an orphanage to that effect.
The
interviewer found it compelling on her to relate a story of a 9 and 11 year-old
sisters she met in another country and who had tested HIV positive; an HIV
positive adult had raped them apparently because in that society, they believed
that they would be cured and cleansed of HIV/AIDS by having intercourse with a
virgin.
The
interview had taken a different hue and cue; a conversational mode. Being
considerate, I realized that there was still quite number of interviewees
waiting so I suggested: “it would appear that there are some people waiting to
be interviewed Madam, might be we can end here and give them their fair
chance!” She heeded my advice and
requested me to proceed to the next window and pay my visa fee.
When I went to
that embassy, I was determined to have it all and so did I.I have never heard
of a case where an interviewee closed a visa interview in that embassy but I
did. I tell you this story not impress you but to impress upon you that if I
can do it, you can do it. It is the question of putting on your confidence coat
the way you want it to fit you. Of course, you must use your cards right. A careful
blend of humor, care and candor will give you a darling cake at every stake.
How well you
give a positive infectious first impression all depends on your self
confidence. Build self confidence within and bring it without and wear it on your
countenance. Make sure to give your first impression an indelible mark by
consciously preparing what and how you will deliver to the factor; at the
end, you will be the benefactor!
Oliver Temateh Asaah {OTA}
